I plucked St. Joseph out of the yard. Since he's holding baby Jesus, you could say I resurrected him. Not because the house sold. On the contrary. But St. Joseph belongs to my aunt. She got him at the Vatican --nice Jewish girls know where to shop-- and she wants him back.
I'm worried that if the house sells in winter I won't be able to unearth her statue from the frozen tundra. So I dug him up. Now I need a new one to plant.
Off I go to the Christian book store and, feeling a tad disrespectful, I ask if they have St. Joseph, because I don't see any. The clerk says they don't carry saints (who knew) and recommends a Catholic store. Yet I still feel like I'm desecrating another faith's icon. Then I type "St. Joseph statue" into Google and all of the results are for St. Joseph home selling kits. Guilt absolved.
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